How to Not Hate Your Spouse After Kids

How to Not Hate Your Spouse After Kids

Harsh, but that shit happens to so many without people even realizing it. The twins are almost two and we work damn hard to make sure that isn’t us. Eddie and I are dishing on 7 ways to keep your love alive with a little change of thought and communication tactics no matter how many kids you pop out.

How to Not Hate Your Spouse After Kids

Kids are Not an Excuse

‘Sorry I can’t because my kids xyz’. I get it and the level of coordination for one event can make me feel like I’m a circus freak balancing plates on my head, while on a bicycle juggling all at the same time – you get the picture. Before we had kids, we decided that they weren’t going to use our kids as a reason for us not having a life. If we want to be somewhere, we find a damn way.

We’ve folded the kids into the mix and it’s enriched our lives versus opting out because it may be more challenging. Need more specifics? Every weekend, we plan experiences like bringing the kids to food festivals, hip hop museums, art exhibits, Pride parades, you name it. Whatever we did before, we try to do even more of now, though it’s a lot to coordinate, it’s worth it and we want our kids to experience life WITH us. We aren’t losing who we are just, because we are parents – it’s more fun now.

Same Page It

You strategize at work or in sports, so why wouldn’t you do the same with your kids? A quick pow-wow on how we are going to handle an inevitable situation is imperative. For example, the kids hit, kick, bite, scream. What is our course of action? How would we handle said situation? Having a strategy and laid out plan of attack minimizes tifs in front of the kids and allows us to be a united front always. No, you can’t plan defense 24/7, but with kiddos – especially toddlers – consistency is king.

Coparent As Much As Possible

Yes, I understand that there are stay-at-home moms vs. working parents. Parenting for all its pros, can find some in dark, lonely places if only one person is the disciplinarian, care-taker, chef, chauffeur, nurse etc. It can lead to resentment, so like I said, whenever possible, it’s got to be a team effort, because it’s 2019 and you both had the kid.

How to Not Hate Your Spouse After Kids by The Everyday Vogue

Checking In on Feels

Do you ever check-in on how the other one is feeling? Are you asking if that person feels loved, appreciated, adored? I think this may be that I am a product of multiple divorces, but it’s something we do fairly consistently. It’s important that I feel secure and that Eddie does too. It’s also helped bubble up issues that are rising. Try it. Let me know what you discovered.

Reminders of What Made You-You

Before Laurent and Roman, there were years of Persephone and Eddie. Don’t forget that. There were things we liked to do and you should maintain those things. You can be you two, it may just look a little different than it did before. Perfect example – Eddie and I LOVE to travel. Time is limited, so we decided to getaway for a long weekend to… Paris, because why not? We were spontaneous before and with a little more planning, booking of grandparents, etc we can still do us and have a blast.

Persephone Maglaya and her husband are sharing some tips on tips on happy marriage

Have Sex Even When You Feel Unsexy

We’ve mentioned this in our tips on happy marriage, but man oh man there are days where I haven’t showered, I’m in food stained sweats, the same sports bra from yesterday – you feel me. It’s easy to find yourself in a pit. On those days, chug a redbull/coffee/whatever and get it together. It’s SO important, because time can fly by and if you lose this connection, you can lose the marriage.

Be Professional Cheerleaders

Everyone needs a cheerleader right? There are days that you’ll feel like you suck as a parent or you feel depleted. It happens, but as spouses we need to be honest, but also lift one another up. If you can’t count on your spouse to do that for you, who else will be your cheerleader, right?

How to not hate your spouse after having kids - Be Professional Cheerleaders

That’s it for now, what tips do you do to keep healthy communication between you and your spouse now that you have kids?

Till next time,

Persephone and Eddie

1 Comment

  1. Amanda
    May 16, 2019 / 12:43 pm

    Love love this! Honestly, my favorite of your amazing posts. Also AMAZING pictures!!!
    Two tips we have learned the hard way:
    1. Never talk about your spouse to anyone, including family, outside the marriage except in a positive manner no matter how much it irritates you how he/she took their time to change the baby’s diaper, never empties the dishwasher…etc.
    2. Always give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Believe they had the best intentions.


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