Being a Mom is really f-ing hard – breaking news I know. Here’s the thing: in my two short years as a Mama, I’m constantly evaluating and observing things about this ‘clan’ that feel like universal truths, but often times aren’t verbalized the way I think they should be. Hopefully by sharing them with you, it will make us all feel more connected to one another and maybe give each other a little break every so often? Alright here we go:
Sh*t No One Tells You About Being a Mom
Fake It Till You Make It Because Everyone Thinks They Suck
Earlier this week I sat down with my Dad and asked him to critically evaluate my parenting. How can I do better? He looked at me a little crazy and said why are you so damn hard on yourself? Literally every Mom I know thinks they are doing a shitty job often – I’m often the worst contender. I’m constantly seeking that *nod nod wink wink* from others that lets me know – ‘hey girl, you don’t suck as bad as you think’. Feels reminiscent of the reassurance I needed during my teenage years – funny how it comes full circle right? What’s up with that?
I know for some it’s the downside of social media, but for me it’s not that. So often we mentally beat the shit out of ourselves and its actually undeserved. We are either there too much, neglecting ourselves as a result or not there enough and yearning for more time – more hours in the day. Can’t we just have a few 30 hour days, please and thank you!
The best thing to do here? Just talk to one another. So simple right, but it’s not happening enough. Admitting these feelings to someone/someones you trust is a release and is completely cathartic. Sometimes we just need to feel a little less in a bubble.
ASK for F-ing HELP
You are NOT weak for asking for help! I feel like I have to repeat that one! Here’s the deal, as a Twin Mom I have no choice. I’m outnumbered and need the extra set of hands and will accept help all the time but whether you have one or five, we all do. I was talking with a big group of Moms, who verbalized how hesitant or ashamed they felt by just asking for an extra hand. Like WTF ladies! I understand not everyone lives close to their families. Not everyone has access to nannies or daycare, but we do have access to other resources in the form of one another. I will be the first one to admit that I seek the help from friends, my parents, trusted friends, Daycare teachers, Daycare Administrators…EVERYBODY.
There have been many weeks where I had so many family members, friends, etc here that were in my house, they were bumping into one another and frankly I don’t care. I mean that purely in the sense that I don’t feel badly. I need them either physically or mentally. As we all paint our own parenting path asking for help or guidance does not make you less then. It makes you better, smarter and I promise you – happier.
It’s Okay To Not Want to Mom – You Are Human
Have you ever woken up and just not wanted to Mom because you didn’t sleep, are hungover, your kids pissing you off, etc? Yeah me too and that just makes you human. You aren’t a monster, nor do you not love your children. It’s okay and totally normal. When I feel like this, I have to verbalize it to Eddie and give myself a moment. The truth is if you don’t listen to those signals you will not be operating at your best.
Judgey McJudgerson Mothers
You know that Mom at the playground that gave you the look when your kid was crying? That cringey ‘yikes lady’ face that she does with her eyes? Yeah, she’s judging the f-out of you and the truth is the worst offenders are by other women. I’ve said it before, but I’m going to empower you with this again. Please dear lord take on a no f-s giving attitude. Make them invisible I promise it helps.
You. Are.Doing.Your.Best. Period. We are all entitled to raise our kids how we want to so rather than judging another Mom for her kid melting down in Target, know that a) that will be you at some point and b) have you ever gone up and tried to help her by distracting the kid to help calm him/her down? I’ve done this a few times and had it done in return and oh my gosh nothing will restore your faith in humanity quite like that. Try it.
Don’t Wait To Get That Manicure/Hair Done/ Workout/Botox
You know what truly won’t make you better? If you neglect yourself. Why do we default to this? Do the thing that makes you feel “normal” and don’t prolong it. It’s not silly or fickle, it’s so important.
Mommy Time Out Is A Thing
I love my baby boos more than anything in this world, but when they push certain buttons sometimes I need 5 minutes to reset and jump back in. Sometimes this means just being quiet for a few seconds so that I don’t yell or so that I can approach Mom-ing better. I do it. You should do it. Not exactly sure why we don’t take the same cues and actions we dole out to our kids, but a few moments can make all the difference.
So that’s it {for now!}. Can you relate? Anything else I missed?
Till next time,
P
xo
PS If you haven’t already read these, you should catch up: