Yes, the twins are two years old, but with so many of you dealing with IVF now or perhaps in the future, it’s something we just cannot stop talking about. Why? Because we think about it all the damn time. I have shared why IVF was the best thing that happened to me here, but I think it’s equally as important to understand the flip side of IVF, which is HIS perspective because it’s rarely discussed and that’s not right.
To be honest, I didn’t ask Eddie to write this. He just wrote it because he feels so strongly about it and I’m thrilled to be sharing. So with no further ado, here’s my best half again, my Eddie:
my Eddie:
More often than not, when you see a title with ‘IVF journey’, you assume it’s written from the perspective of the woman. I want to change that narrative as I believe it’s important to share the vulnerability of this experience often silently dealt with on the side of the men.
On the nights that Persephone is away on business, I take the lead role in putting the boys to bed and get to have that special twins on solo Dad time just like Persephone does each night. Last week, I sat there talking to them about gratitude. It is our routine to run through the names of people we love and that make us happy in their life. So I asked, are we thankful for Mama? Are we thankful for Papa and Aja? And the list goes on and on. While they responded ‘yesssss Dada’ over and over again, I found myself saying a little prayer, thanking God for this chance to be a Dad. For those of you who may be trying, struggling and considering IVF or fertility treatment, let me give you some hope.
I Couldn’t Wait To Be A Dad
Honestly, I was ready to be a Dad long before we started trying. P used to joke that if it were up to me, I would’ve been a Dad before we were even married. I didn’t care when but I knew of all things in this life that I’m destined to do, this was it. I wanted to be super involved in raising my kid. Changing diapers, feeding them, and late night wake ups for snuggles. But in hindsight, being super involved started long before I held the twins in my arms.
As soon as P and I started trying, we knew something was not right. She’s young, fit, healthy so you start to ask yourself questions like, “Is it me?” Are my ‘swimmers’ healthy? Did all the partying that I did in my high school and college years mess me up? It’s truly a scary thing to think about. Am I going to have to .. you know.. into a cup? What’s going to happen?
Fertility Treatments Are No Joke
You literally have to go to the Doctor like every day. I’m not saying that sarcastically. I’m literally saying that we woke up at the ass crack of dawn to head to the doctor to be tested. These doctor visits become devoid of emotion and more mechanical. You will watch as your SO get probed, so they can check the follicles and expect a whole lot of ebbs and flows of emotion from failed cycles.
It was my job to make sure that I held shit together. Despite failed cycles, emotional breakdowns, this.is.your.role. Logically, you know that the meds will cause hormone imbalance. So no matter what she says or does, you have to be positive. She’s going to need you and you’ve got to come through.
The Needles
Did you know that you’re going to have to stab your wife like a million times? I was the ‘preparer’ of the meds and I was there every fucking prick and stab to the stomach. We tried to count and we think it was several hundreds of needles. Those aren’t even the bad needles. For IUI and IVF, when you activate the ‘eggs to drop,’ they give you a needle that’s like 4 inches long that you’ve got to stab your wife in her side. If you’re afraid of needles, this is going to be a shocker. It really takes some adjusting and a hard stomach.
Fast Forward To Doing Cartwheels
I share all of this with you now to get you to this point. The point where you find out that all the needles, tears, money, all of it was worth it, because she’s pregnant!! I still remember the moment when the Doctor was like, “Ohhh, do you see that?” It’s a second heartbeat. I can recall the color literally leaving my wife’s face and her head began to spin. On my end, I was smiling ear to ear and that this was the universe giving us the best gift ever.
Why I am Thrilled About Infertility
I would go through all the hardships, the disappointments, the crying sessions, the pep talks for your wife who is blaming herself 1000 more times, if this life were the result every time. The goal is near, the baby {or babies} will come and it’s often masked behind the pain and struggles. Those bad times brought me closer to Persephone. It made me love and appreciate her more than I ever thought I could. It’s made us better parents. I consider ourselves lucky to have gone through that together, truly.
And so I get up every morning and thank God and my amazing wife for the opportunity to be a Dada to these handsome, intelligent and kind little men. I literally love them more than anything in this world, except Persephone (because they know that nothing takes priority over her, a great blog post topic for a later time). Thanks for letting me spill my guts P.
It’s fine, I’m sobbing my eyes out, reliving all of this all over again. What Eddie isn’t sharing is that last weekend, when we were both SO DAMN TIRED. We were laying on the floor with the boys as a family, looked down into our arms filled with curly little heads and both started to cry. Because yes, it was years ago, but we know what it took and we are grateful for this moment, for every moment that our infertility journey allowed us to experience.
Please share this with someone who needs it.
Till next time,
P + E
xo